In case you didn't hear, I still have my baby room. A.k.a. oven, womb, or uterus. I contacted my doctors office Monday to see if I could just get it out. Due to insurance issues, we had to keep the surgery with a hysterectomy as needed. My doctor got in there, did washes of my uterus and looked around via laproscope. There wasn't anything to biopsy. He said everything looked fine including the organs around. I know he was initially concerned with my being in my child bearing years when discussing a hysterectomy. Of course my outlook was "one less organ to worry about with cancer." The results from the tests they did should be back in 3-7 days. So, maybe the anomaly of it all is I just have a happy, shiny uterus. I may never know. As long as it is NOT cancer, I am content. Also that I won't have to do a colonoscopy prep again anytime in the near future. Yeah, they made me do that to prep for this surgery. In case you have never had this cleansing experience, the preparation is the worst. You have been warned. So, without further ado, I give my favorite version of "Happy Shiny People" by REM.
May the Lord Bless you and keep you!
Next procedure, Bronchoscopy on March 9. Hope to see you soon! Love K*
This is a story about control, my control Control of what I say, control of what I do And this time I'm gonna do it my way- Janet Jackson-Control
Tuesday, I'm having a hysterectomy. Yep, that's right, I'm not going to be able to bear children. AND I am OK with it. Yes, it is heartbreaking but I deeply feel like I am doing the right thing. 1.) I will not pass along cancer in my genes. 2.) I would rather not have one more thing to wonder about. My uterus has been metabolically active for quite awhile. Why risk having cancer in another place? 3.) There is always adoption. 4.) The Duggars have more than made up for any addition I could have added to the world. Besides, I would never be able to catch up with them now without looking like octomom.
I also have to confess the feeling of being less feminine and less desirable have crossed my mind. However, I know I will always be beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. My uterus and cancer do not define me or my femininity. They only make me stronger! My battle may be unique, but it is mine! Am I a greeting card or what?
Shocking as this all is, it is ultimately my decision. I was originally going to have them take it if need be. They were going to go in laproscopically, look around and remove it if need be. I decided rather than have them go in without me totally aware of what was going on, I wanted to have that control over what was occurring. That and I hate things being drawn out forever. I already have too much of that. WAY too much! So, I will be admitted to Mon General for a few days. My bronchoscopy in Pittsburgh has been moved to March 9th.
The night before I went to the doctor, I was watching Dr Quinn. Shocking, I know. (Ok, I confess, I watch it up to four times a day. It is most definitely something I look forward to.) Anyhow, they showed the episode "Best Friends" where Dorothy thinks she is pregnant but actually going through menopause. Anyhow, she winds up having a hysterectomy. I have been having hot flashes. Funny how that show likes to foreshadow lil specs of my life..
I thought i would share my letter to my uterus:
Dear Uterus,
I know God created me to have you included initially. However, you are being evicted! I never wanted to start what people call "becoming a woman." You also have tortured me with this process for over 22 years. You decided to make it even worse, when I entered my thirties. BOO HISS to you, Uterus. I can't deal with you and the mysterious lesions within your walls. Metabolically active things that can be removed, will be. Somehow, I've always known no one would use you as a residence. Despite the amount of times I said I was going to have triplets. It just gives me the chance to make a difference in the life of a child who's parents can't handle the responsibility.
I hope you understand!
In lighter news, I would like to share a few of my favorite youtube videos! ENJOY
The first ones are starring Ms. Kristen Bell!
Sophia Grace and Rosie Show!
I hope life is treating you all well! Some people collect tattoos. I collect scars.
So, wow, it's been a long time since my last blog! With the holidays, and January being full of appointments, it's been a blur! PET Scans, Ultrasounds, new doctors and blood tests. Oh My! As of January 31, I am no longer on oxygen therapy full time. My face feels so naked! My new Pulmonary Specialist thinks I only need to be wearing it when exerting myself and at night. I also had a sleep study done last night. They are concerned that I may have sleep apnea. My breathing is still labored when breathing through my mouth and I purr sometimes. Ok, maybe I snore a little. So many people do! I should hear the results of the sleep study in about two weeks. WARNING FELLAS! Girl Talk! Read at your own risk! My PET Scan found metabolic activity in my uterus. This was also found in a PET Scan in August. I was well aware I had fibroids, but they usually are not metabolically active. I got an ultrasound ( yeah, the one the doctor never tells you about HOW it is done.) The gal seemed a lil concerned and it took longer than my last one I had done. In the report, it mentioned how this could be leiomyosarcoma ( this is yet another rare cancer- CRAP!) So, I wound up with yet another new doctor, a Gynocologist Oncologist after speaking to my Oncologist. My nurse managed to get me an appointment that was this morning. I am having a D & C and biopsies early February 7. I am well aware of the consequences of what this all could mean. Most of my life I had hoped to have kids the "good ole fashioned way." Yet, in the back of my mind, I've always known that I would probably wind up adopting. I rest in the Lord in whatever the outcome is. Regardless, if this is leiomyosarcoma, I say, "Out with it!" The sooner I have answers though the better! These procedures are all being done here locally in Morgantown. Ok, Fellas it's Safe to Read again! Meanwhile, I need to make an appointment to have my regular Bronchoscopy in Pittsburgh with my hottie surgical team. Also, with all of these procedures and all, my maintenance Chemo is on hold. Doctors don't like to perform surgery within two weeks of Chemo. The holidays went by so fast. I apologize for not updating you all sooner. Then again you know how to get ahold of me. Peace and Love to you all! ~K*
